I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
