Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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