I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
