Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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