then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
