I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
