I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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