we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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