Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
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