so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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