ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
