He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
