Pappa wants mamma naked
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
