& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
