I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
