Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize