So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
