I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
