Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
