for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My bed smells like the plague
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
