I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
