Just mADE A PArabola og urine
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
