It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
