My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
