Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you would pick up someone in the library
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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