HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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