So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
