i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
