So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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