anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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