"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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