Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
