you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
