Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
