He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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