Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
