Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
