Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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