A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
