It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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