Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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