sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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