Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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