he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
