1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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