i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
