Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
