I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
