totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
