I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i came on her dog
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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