I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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