Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
