Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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