and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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