Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
