I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
