I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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