We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
