her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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