I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
