So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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