Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize