It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
