I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
