Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
