Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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