i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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