I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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