My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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