My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
