Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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