There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
